If you’ve never heard of TikTok, you’re probably one of two things: either you’re older than a millennial or you may, unfortunately, be living under a rock. If you do have a TikTok, you might have heard of Mia aka @exactlyliketheothergirls and the phrase she’s coined off of Megan Thee Stallion “Hot Girl Walk”.
What is this hot girl walk?
Hot girl walk, for those who don’t know, is a way for you to realign your thinking this summer. Mia says in her TikTok that in order to successfully hot girl walk, you need to do a few of things. The first thing to do is walk. Find your favorite coffee shop, farmers market, or thrift shop, walk two miles there and two miles back. Second, listen to some upbeat songs that make you feel good (check out her playlist here). Third, exercise your mind. On this walk, you’re only allowed to think of three things: how hot you are, what you’re grateful for, and the visions for your future self. That’s right girl, it’s a walking mediation!
Girls from all over the nation have been trying out Mia’s Hot Girl Walk. She says the purpose of this practice is not to lose weight or exercise your physical. Instead, it’s to exercise your mind and sort through your thoughts. Thus, you will notice not only the transformations coming from the body but from the mind as well.
After all, can you really be the happiest person if your inner thoughts about yourself and wishes for yourself are out of alignment? They say you can’t make someone else happy if you’re not happy yourself.
Some Inspo for Your Walk
How hot am I?
What things am I grateful for?
What do I envision for myself?
Clean drinking water
Doing service work
Being a foster parent to dogs
Getting my dream job
Staying/ becoming healthy
Will Smith hot
Traveling the world
If this is intimidating to you, let it intimidate you. Then remember, the intimidation doesn’t have to control you if you don’t let it. It’s not always easy telling yourself you look hot or amazing when you don’t personally agree. It’s not always easy to express gratitude if you had a hard upbringing. It’s not always easy to know what to want in your life if you don’t know what the near future holds. However, take a moment to see this exercise as an opportunity to better yourself rather than an obstacle. Take a look at our article How to Succeed at Anything New for more inspiration!
The point is that you take time for yourself to really reflect on a couple crucial things. Studies have shown that expressing more gratitude leads to more happiness. The reason for is the more you are grateful for, the more you realize you have, the more you realize just how good your life is where it’s at, which leads to happiness.
In addition, taking time to reflect and manifest about the person you want to be in the future, just makes your vision that much clearer. Focusing on these goals allows you to find paths to these goals. Lastly, practice some positive affirmations: tell yourself that you look HOT AF! People WISH they could be you. You are so hot you’d melt ice cream. You are so hot even Volcán Mombacho would erupt again. You are so hot the sun WISHES it could emit as much flame as you.
Coming to Terms
It is also completely fine not to know who you want to be in the future. You can also think of your future self in terms of traits: being open minded, charismatic, punctual, respectful, happy, etc. Let your brain take you on a journey of self-discovery for four miles and enjoy it!
Do this because you want to learn more about yourself, feel better, and glow from the inside out!
Oh, confidence, that elusive thing. That thing you’re supposed to fake, because everyone else in the room seems to have been born with it. Right?
Great news: confidence is a just another skill that you can learn and develop. Unlike the “fake it till you make it” kind of confidence, this kind becomes second nature over time. In this way, you can become naturally confident.
Of course, being confident is not the same as being cocky or obnoxious. A confident person knows that she doesn’t have to brag or constantly prove herself and instead focuses appropriately on the task at hand.
Here is our complete guide to being confident—without faking it. You’ll learn a prerequisite and the basic behaviors that you can practice to develop your confidence, as well as some common pitfalls.
Prerequisite: Know Yourself
Step one towards being confident is knowing what you know, what you’re good at, and what you can do.
If you blindly apply the other confidence strategies without knowing yourself, you risk applying the right confidence strategies at the wrong time. For example, in a meeting where you’re not the expert in the room, you might speak up when you should’ve known to keep silent or speak second. Knowing yourself will enable you to appropriately apply the other confidence strategies.
So, take stock of yourself, forgetting for a moment where you want to be. Evaluate where you are, and don’t forget to take a few steps back as needed.
For example, I have been working to clear the next hurdle in my career for a little while, and the fact that I haven’t cleared it yet sometimes makes me feel like a failure. But, I forget that I have been doing well in a very competitive job, which means that in the big picture I am not a failure, and I’m doing fairly well in the grand scheme of things. At the same time, there are a few experts on my team who know a lot more than me.
One thing to watch out for when you’re taking stock of yourself is the Dunning-Kruger effect, in particular two points:
When you only know a little about a subject, you’re likely to grossly overestimate your ability.
When you learn some more, you might be underestimating your ability.
In summary: be honest with yourself about who you are, what you know, and what you can do. It’s the first step towards real confidence.
The Basic Behaviors for Being Confident
Being confident is a skill, and 80% of this skill is mastering the basic behaviors. Like any other skill, it might take some practice to master, but after enough practice, the behaviors become habit. When the behaviors become habit, so does confidence.
Basic behavior 1: Body Language
The three elements to naturally confident body language are:
Good posture. Standing up straight and tall is good for you. One way to improve posture is to associate it with a common queue, for example, every time you sit back down at your desk after getting up, check your posture.
Stillness and smoothness. Habitually touching face or hair, fidgeting with a pen, and bouncing your feet, are all ticks that distract people from the real content of what you have to say and give the appearance of a lack of confidence. Practice adjusting these habits by sitting with your hands loosely folded in meetings and while speaking.
A steady gaze. Looking in all different directions is also distracting. I know, because I struggle with a steady gaze, and once my gaze was so distracting that I caused my boss to look out the meeting room window behind him while we were meeting one-on-one. (There was nothing there, of course.) Luckily, this gets better with practice. One way to practice is by looking directly at one person for a whole sentence, then another person for the next sentence, and so on.
Basic behavior 2: Speaking
Speaking can be tough! Some people experience speaking as a gradual escalation of tension: the first sentence is easy, but then the heat rises and their heart starts pounding, and soon all they can think about is getting the speaking over with. Whether that describes your experience speaking or not, hopefully these elements help you increase your comfort with speaking, naturally boosting your confidence in doing so.
The two elements to naturally confident speaking are:
Breathing. If you feel the heat rising in your face or the pounding of your heart, don’t rush. Take a moment to take a deep breath. This helps you reset, and by giving your brain a quick break, it can help you refocus as well.
Practicing. Speaking gets more comfortable over time, but it doesn’t get better without practice. Starting small, by asking simple clarifying questions, or adding an extra detail to something someone else said, is an easy way to start practicing before moving onto bigger things like proposing a new idea in a meeting. And of course, always remember that mistakes are part of practice and how we learn.
In summary, the basic behaviors for being confident are:
Stillness and smoothness
A steady gaze
These things take some time and effort to practice and incorporate into your habits, but once they become habits, they will help you be naturally confident no matter the situation.
Bonus Tip #1: Don’t let anyone intimidate you
Watch out for intimidation on your confidence journey. Just because someone has a fancy title or uses words you don’t know does not mean that you cannot learn and participate. Sometimes they don’t mean to be intimidating, and in rare cases they do. Either way, don’t let it deter you.
If someone with a high title or lots of letters after their name says something you don’t understand, ask them what they mean! If they’re saying it, they should probably understand it well enough to be able to explain it to you.
In addition, don’t be intimidated by jargon. While jargon has its uses in the right contexts, if you don’t know a word, most of the time the problem is that you don’t know what the word means, not that you’re somehow incapable of understanding the concept (the important part). Don’t be afraid to ask what foreign terms mean.
Unfortunately, sometimes you’ll get jargon or complicated answers in response to questions. Don’t feel obligated to fake understanding! Feel free to follow up. You might ask: “I think you’re saying this, is that right?” or “I’m still not clear on this, how is it related to that?” Or, if you prefer, “I still don’t understand, can we talk more after this meeting ends?”
In some cases, the person may not actually have a good answer for you, and is responding with jargon or something more complicated out of habit. (They might be suffering from the Dunning-Kruger effect themselves!) Training yourself to ask questions when you don’t understand will be especially helpful in these situations.
Bonus Tip #2: Say “I don’t know”
It is a sign of both confidence and maturity to say “I don’t know” when you don’t know something instead of making up a false response.
Of course, you can save face by saying “that’s a great question, I can have that answer for you in an hour”—you don’t literally need to say the words “I don’t know”—but making something up on the spot instead of telling the simple truth is not confidence, it’s overconfidence or even cockiness.
And if you’re still not convinced, know this: the people that matter have really good bullshit detectors, and you probably don’t want them thinking you make stuff up.
Personally, when I’m at work and I can tell someone is making something up instead of just saying they’re not sure, I lose a lot of trust in what that person tells me and immediately prefer to get information from other people. (I don’t mean to be mean or harsh, it’s just that having accurate information is important to my job, and if they’re making something up and I recognize it, how many times have they made something up and I haven’t recognized it?)
Confidence is knowing when you don’t know something, and being confident enough in yourself that you can admit it. So, say “I don’t know.”
Conclusion and Further Reading
Confidence is a skill, largely composed of basic behaviors that anyone can master. The above tips should help anyone develop the skill of confidence, as well as apply it appropriately. Anyone can be naturally confident!
Mastering the skill of confidence does not replace being actually skilled at something substantial, so the tips on this page will only get you so far. After mastering these basics, if you want even more confidence, you’ve got to work for it, by continuing to learn and improve your skill set.
Are you looking to start a side hustle or make a career change? Or perhaps you’d like to pick up meditation or eat less junk food?
Or maybe you’re trying to make a change for the second (or third) time, and you want to see it through this time?
Regardless of what you’re doing, there are a few key things that will help you harness your motivation and turn it into productive action. If you’re trying something new, here’s how to succeed at it.
The #1 most important thing to do is to start somewhere. It’s easy to get caught up in the details, logistics, and planning, but the best way to start something new is – surprise! – to start doing what you want to do.
You should not try to become an expert before you start. That’s because you’ll learn a lot more through the process of doing, and what you read will make a lot more sense once you start. If you’re the type who likes to research something extensively before doing something new, that’s fine, but don’t let researching get in the way of starting!
Also, you should not try to beperfect. This is super important. As the saying goes, “perfect is the enemy of done,” or in our case, “perfect is the enemy of starting something new.” You probably want a stellar result from your new thing eventually, but that will come with time and practice, which is all the more reason to start with what you can do today.
Excellent ways to start somewhere:
Picking up meditation? Close your eyes and take three deep breaths, focusing your attention on each breath. Congratulations, you just started somewhere!
Finding a new job? Submit one application today. Your resume doesn’t have to be perfect; you’ll be applying to other jobs and improving your resume as you go.
Ride the waves 🌊 of motivation
Your motivation is your most valuable resource.
You are most productive when you are motivated.
When a wave of motivation comes, take advantage! When the wave subsides, keep progressing, but don’t expect the same level of productivity from yourself as when you were riding the wave.
This is also why I think planning is overrated. Motivation waves don’t operate according to a schedule. In my experience, riding the waves is way more productive than sticking to a regimented schedule.
Reduce barriers to entry
Starting something new can be hard, but you can make it easier by reducing “barriers to entry.” What this means is that it should always feel easy to continue working on your project. This will help you maximize the output you get from each wave of motivation.
One of the big “barriers” is the willpower barrier. If you’ve had a long day, your willpower may be exhausted. (Yes, it runs out!) You want to minimize the willpower it takes to work on your project so you can make progress even when your willpower is low.
An excellent way to reduce the willpower barrier is to accept from yourself whatever you have to offer. Did you plan to practice guitar for an hour, but you only practiced for 15 minutes? Congratulate yourself on practicing for 15 minutes; that’s infinitely better than 0 minutes! You could even try to not plan to practice for an hour in the first place.
Another great way to reduce the willpower barrier is to reduce the time it takes to get working on your project. If it takes 10 minutes to set up your workstation, can you get that down to under 1 minute?
Beware sideways progress 🦀
Sideways progress is progress that takes time and energy but does not get you closer to your goal. It is so important to not waste your valuable motivation on moving sideways.
Examples of sideways progress are:
Updating your schedule/plan for doing your new thing too often, instead of using that time to do the new thing
Feeling like you need to know more, but ending up researching things that are unrelated
Spending a lot of time picking a slightly better WordPress theme, meditation pillow, etc.
Allow yourself to “fail”
“Failure” is often a Very Good Thing.
Did you know that when you get an answer wrong, you have more brain activity than when you get it right? Yes, that means you get smarter when you fail.
A lot of people say that perseverance is the key to success, but this ignores the possibility that you may have picked something that is not to your taste. It also ignores the possibility of you wanting to try something different. Are you supposed to keep doing everything you’ve ever tried for the rest of your life? 🤔 Probably not.
Giving up on a project or putting it aside for some time may feel like failure to you, but that doesn’t mean it was a loss! If you happen to hate some aspect of your project, it’s really valuable to know that. Or perhaps you learned a new skill that you can apply to a future project.
Some very successful people have “failed” multiple times in the conventional sense! (I won’t spoil it for you–read Range by David Epstein to figure out who they are.)
Always allow yourself to truthfully evaluate if your project is still for you. We sometimes have to put things aside so we can progress towards the next new thing.
How to succeed at anything new: Start somewhere. Use your most valuable resource well. Beware of things that distract from what you’re really trying to do. If your new thing is not for you, take stock of what you’ve learned and let yourself try something new, again.